Being a MIsfit| Aug 3, 2024 002

Tucker Martin (00:00)
What's up y 'all today we're going to talk a little bit about not fitting in. And if you're here for the first time thank you thank you for joining us. I'm so excited to share this episode of Ranch Ramblin with you. So let's just jump right in. Sometimes fitting in is overrated right? All at least with me when I was younger I kind of wanted to fit in in certain aspects. In other aspects I really didn't give a crap.

But there was always a little bit of hurt when you didn't get invited to the birthday party or to go hang out with your friends or whatever that was. It always felt kind of like a bummer to be left out. But that can get so much deeper than that. And it's kind of the point I want to get into today that you know what?

It's alright to not fit in because that means you've got a backbone of your own. You stand on your own two feet. You don't need someone's validation to be you. And that's an easier thing that's said and done sometimes. I'm really thankful that I didn't, not that I didn't struggle at all, but it was, they were kind of superficial struggles that were relatively easy for me

understand and then step over. Because I had parents who raised me and helped me grow my confidence through the way that they treated me and the way that they lived and set their examples for me. so I'm really thankful for that, that I learned that I'm cool the way I am.

That's not to be conceited. I'm not, I'm not saying that that way, but I, as hurtful as it was to maybe be excluded from something, I found a lot more self confidence in learning to be okay with not fitting in with certain people. And that's something that happens as you grow up and as you mature, you know, that realization,

Throughout my life, I have met a lot of snake in the grass type people that...

My intuition picked up on, you know, fairly quickly and again, I owe that to my parents for teaching me to listen to those promptings, you know, and I believe God talks to us through promptings like that, you know, through the Spirit or whatever you want to call it. I believe that those promptings are communication from God to keep us out of certain situations or to help us go in with an open mind or,

maybe a little more alert, whatever that is, I think that's helped me out of more scrapes and more situations than I care to admit. And there's some times I've ignored that and gotten into situations that were not ideal. But my point is,

from a super early age I learned to honor that, those feelings. And whether you want to call it your intuition, the spirit, I think that God works through those avenues for us. you know, you ever walked into a room and you feel like a funky vibe and you're like, why do I feel like I don't belong here? answer is, is cause you

There's a reason that you feel that feeling. You don't feel that feeling when everything is jiving and you know, there's well -meaning intentions. You get that feeling when somebody was

less than...

less than you know they kind of lost some integrity concerning you and so back to this you know snake in the grass thing that's something that thank heavens i have always had a fairly good reading on i'm not going to say all the

But a lot of times I could pick up on it and you look around and it's like my word this person has the wool pulled over everybody's eyes. And sometimes you just wanna like shout that to the world and be like can you not see that this person is manipulating you? They are playing you hard, you know?

These people live in their own reality where they feel they have everybody believing their narrative and playing into their story. And a lot, sometimes they do, but the majority of the time, the people that are fooled by these snakes, they'll wake up to, they'll see the truth at some point. And there is a time for us to speak up and say something. I'm not saying if you can see somebody's openly gonna get in a bad situation, I'm not saying to stay silent at

I'm just saying, you know, these people that are just out in society just manipulating others and kind of being conniving and backbiting and stuff like that. A lot of the times you can tell somebody, hey, this person's playing you and they won't listen to you because again, they're playing into the narrative of that person. And they've got to figure that out on their own time. again, I'm not saying not

If you feel the need to say something, say it. Because again, I think that's one of those hits that you need to act on. But as far as just like shouting to the world that, this person is a manipulator. Like this person is out there telling you one thing and me another thing and trying to turn us against each other. you know, you can, it's basically wasted breath until the people wake up to it themselves. And I think...

An interesting part of my journey has been learning to be okay with the fact that their reality is going to burn bridges for their selves. I don't need to burn a bridge for them because they're going to do it on their own, right? They're going to shoot themselves in the foot by being manipulative and conniving and dishonest and mean, you know? And some people just thrive on that. They...

Some people just don't know how to exist without that element of drama and control

And sometimes that's just the way it is, but again, I think their reality will take care of that for them because eventually everybody wakes up to their schemes. You know, everybody opens their eyes and realizes, holy crap, I was duped by this person like big time. And when you yourself can remain living with integrity and handling the situation with integrity and not

participating in their schemes, it helps others to kind of be brave at holding boundaries and maybe understand even a little bit of why that's important. that's something else that's been on my mind a lot lately and we covered that a couple episodes ago, but you these boundaries like they're a tricky thing and some people have a hard

setting boundaries with confidence and then maintaining them. And something I chose to do a long time ago was

If I was in a situation where the conversation began to be more about people in a negative sense, or trash talking or gossip, know, gossiping or whatever like that, there's some ways that you can hold your boundary while still being polite, you know, and civil to the people that are beginning this kind of talk.

You know, Amy and I were talking about some different things that we do in these situations to shut the conversation down and kind of just reroute it, right?

You know what, I don't like to think about stuff like that. I don't like to say stuff like that, you know, without knowing that it's a fact. It's not really my story to tell. That's what I say all the time. You know what, that's not my story to tell. You know, and that kind of shuts it down and it's like, well, you know what, you can go straight to the source if that's something you feel like you need to know. And so I use that one a lot. Amy does, Amy does the whole,

She's really good at it too. I should have her on here saying it the way she says it because she says it so naturally that nobody feels like called out per se, but it also is super effective in shutting down that conversation. that's that, you know, do you actually know that? Like did so and so say that to you? Well, no, that's just what I heard. All right. So you don't actually know it, right?

I'll ask her the way she says that because that's a super effective one. In some situations, getting up and leaving the situation is necessary. Sometimes that's the best option. But there's always ways around this that you can hold your boundary by not participating in these things without burning bridges with the people you're around. And sometimes there is a time to freaking light the match, right? And burn the bridge.

But often enough, we're all just human and it can

you know, people can just get pulled into that, that circle and, well, that's not something that you care to participate in. There's some really cool ways like that, that you can be transparent and maintain that boundary and not fall into that gossipy circle.

Those are just some things to keep in mind as far as the boundaries and whatnot go

boundaries are cool because when you start holding your own and you can tactfully shut down the conversation, you know, with, know what, that's not my story to tell. Okay. Well, by you saying that you just empowered somebody else to be like, you know what, she shut that down. I'm going to shut it down next time too. So by you being strong and, and maintaining your character and living with

the integrity that you want to have and being brave enough to open your mouth in a kind way that empowers people in a way that I think is so underrated. And when we can start living boldly like that and truthfully with compassion and kindness, like what a better example like can we set, you know, how

Like that's, I think that's so powerful in what it gives other people the permission to do. Because our minds are so powerful. For or against us, right? And some people don't even realize that they are participating in, you know, that kind of talk or that kind of situation until somebody else is like, wow, yeah, we don't need to be talking about this.

you know, kind of put their foot down. And then it kind of wakes other people up and they're like, yeah, wow, we really probably shouldn't be talking about this person that way. I don't know the whole story. You don't know the whole story. So what are we talking about this person for? And so I think that's super powerful to keep in mind. Another one that I've been using that I actually really like, and I wish I could remember where I learned this, but

like I'm surprised you're comfortable saying that to me. And that's for, you know, a little more serious type situation. I use that a lot in my professional setting where maybe an employee starts, they want to know another employee's business or I've had some pretty brazen comments said to me that way. And when I get those brazen kind of unacceptable things said, that's something I say.

Because again, you don't call them out in such a way you're being an asshole, but you definitely call them out and they're like, whoa. Yeah, like how, where do I get off saying that to her? And so that's kind of a good one to keep in mind for those types of situations. Again, that's not something you would use every time, but that's something that has, I've been really thankful for in my...

professional setting where...

you're basically like, huh, that was pretty unacceptable without getting petty and stooping to their level of, that argumentative, like, I'm falling into your trap kind of vibe, right? You hold yourself up a little bit and it's like, you know what? I'm not getting on your level, but what you did there was not cool. And,

Anyways, so that's one I use a lot too. Those boundaries are so powerful and my point with all of this is sometimes not fitting in is worth it. Right? If you look around at what's going on in society right now, nobody has a backbone, nobody has a work ethic, and it's pretty pitiful, right? There's, nobody can just say how I feel.

without somebody getting offended and you know what? That's okay because it's our right to be different because in this day and age being different as far as not conforming to what other people say you should conform to is good and

That's me coming from my place of my Christian values, my moral compass, what I feel is right and wrong. That's not something I am willing to sacrifice, especially to feel like I fit in. In this situation, I have never been more happy to be the odd man at home, right? And I'm thankful to be surrounded with people that...

are like -minded and have similar beliefs. And again, I'm not saying if you have different beliefs that we can't get along because I have plenty of friends who have different beliefs than me about things I am very passionate about. And guess what? We're still friends because at the base of it

them and myself can be like, hey, this is what I believe and I'm not going to compromise that value. And they can say, you know what, I believe different and I'm not compromising that value, but we have a respect for each other. Right. And those boundaries that neither of us is going to cross. Okay. And ultimately that's what it boils down to, you know, is I'm holding my own. I'm sticking to my values. I have.

You know, I'm standing by that. And in a kind way, can stand by what you believe and still be a kind person and a civil person and have Christ -like love for everybody. That doesn't mean that you condone everything, you know, all the time. anyways, I think that especially

You know, this topic is so, this is multifaceted. We could go on and on about this. Maybe I should have a part two on this, but where we can dive in a little more specifically. But I also see this a lot in young people is that they feel the need to fit in that they lose themselves and put themselves in some potentially dangerous situations.

It's all because they don't have the confidence to be different or to be alone for a minute. Being alone is not fun. You know, as humans, we are not designed to be alone or do things alone. But.

Being alone for a minute.

will actually get you the truest, most best circle you could ever be a part of. I've, I kind of went through that personally about my college time where it was like, you know, everybody was doing this and everybody was doing that. And I wanted to be a part of the circle. were those people actually true friends? No, they weren't.

And so by stepping back and being okay with being myself and being alone or maybe not being feeling as included, that actually got me the truest friends I've ever had. And I continue to gain those super true friends that will, you know, defend your name when you're not around. And those are the kind of people that you want. You don't want the people that are going to flip -flop and stab you in the back the minute you walk out.

That's a lot again a lot easier said than done but When you can kind of maintain that bigger perspective that bigger picture Who be the friend you want to be be the kind of person you would like to be around and you'll end up drawing those people to you and in the end Being the misfit actually gets you the truest most authentic circle you could ask for and

That's been a super fun thing to see play out in my own life and in, you know, some of these people that I have met that are now really, really good friends have also went through something similar. And so if you're feeling like a misfit, evaluate your, you know, evaluate what's going on and why you feel that way. And if it's because you refuse to compromise your values, stick to that. You know what I mean? Like,

Being the misfit is always better than fitting in with people with no backbone and Anyways, that's my rambling for today. Just You guys hold your own We have a cool circle here and I'm super thankful that you're here and keep doing you keep being you And don't you dare cut your dollies on that dream?