What Someone Thinks of You... | Jul 8, 2024 022

Tucker Martin (00:01)
I am here to tell you that what someone thinks of you is none of your business.

So with that, welcome to the podcast and I am so glad that you're here. This is the Ranch Ramblin' podcast. I am Tucker. I am the cowboy gal behind the podcast and everything headed your way. So I'm really excited to be here and for all the things that are fixing to happen, just a little bit of housekeeping. Our very first Cowboy Gals Retreat is happening this next week and I am so pumped about it. Cannot wait to share all of that with you.

And as I've mentioned on the last couple episodes, if you would like to know about the new offerings, the next retreats, I do have another big launch coming up. If you want to know about that, get on my email list. Please shoot me an email or even a message on social media with your email so I can get you at it. Let me know what you're interested in. That way we can chat about it a little bit. Anyways, I am just so excited.

for all the things that are happening and I'm glad you guys are here along for the ride. So let's get back to that topic, right? I think that's something we've all encountered a handful of times in our lives and even if, you know, overall we don't care about what people think, sometimes it seems like there can be a situation that comes up that kind of wakes that up and we end up

kind of struggling with that about you know wondering my gosh they must think xyz they must blah blah blah right and you guys it doesn't matter because the reality is is that everyone is living in their own reality with their own paradigm then and their paradigm is how they view and interact with their world right and

Your world is different than my world. And the perceptions you have of certain things are different than mine. And so, in reality, we worry about what people think of us, I think, a lot more than people ever actually think of us. Like, we give ourselves too much credit as far as that goes. You know, on the negative side is what I'm talking about. I think we should always assume the best of ourselves. But...

That's exactly it. Is assume the best of yourself.

The truth of the matter probably is, is there's an insecurity somewhere and our subconscious mind then begins to blow it out of proportion and we end up dramatizing it in our mind and actually we're making a big deal in causing ourselves a lot of stress and discontent and you know emotional kind of turmoil.

because of what we're assuming someone thinks, and I know that that's easier said than done. And I was blessed with -

the overall ability not to care. But again, there are those isolated circumstances that there's somebody that, you know, I really look up to or that I really think is super awesome. And something maybe a little bit just kind of different happens than normal or than what we were expecting in. And sometimes that can unsettle me. And I end up feeling like, gosh, like, you know, they must think I'm terrible with the course.

They must think, you know, like, all of these thoughts start creeping in and that's a very negative spiral to be in. And in reality, you know, there's these situations that I have been able to address and I thank my parents for teaching me the value of open communication even if it's uncomfortable. And you guys are so much power in that because

these situations I've been able to address, I find out. It's an insecurity on my part and I'm making something where there's absolutely nothing. And these people are actually like, no, you know, blah blah blah. And we can discuss and actually get to the bottom of what's going on. Now there's some people out there that aren't, I don't want to say aren't worth your time. That's not what I'm trying to say. their energy is not worth.

your piece, if that makes sense. So there are some people out there that are... there are people out there who are basically energy vampires and whether they do it on purpose or not they end up sucking a lot of the good energy out of you. Like I'm sure you've been around people like that where

It's like, my gosh, I feel exhausted. And you feel like you just spend a pretty intense, you know, eight to 10 hour day with them. And in reality, it was like two hours and it was very intense, right? And you just feel kind of thrashed and, and just exhausted and worn out, right? And so first off, we just want to make sure that we never are those people. but also.

Those people are not worth that return of energy, if that makes sense, until they're willing to change their output. So I'm not saying to be callous and cold and, and, you know, piss on them. That's not what I'm saying at all. but what I am saying is with those people, we need to have a boundary and it can be boundaries are good and

You know, with those people, they don't need to take up any time, any extra energy, any extra thoughts, because there's not going to be a positive return from that person. again, always be kind, because what goes around comes around, you know?

And always treat people, I believe in treating people as Christ -like as we can, but that does not mean we don't have boundaries. And so that's something that you just have to look at personally, kind of zoom out and see what, see what's going on, kind of evaluate the situation and where you stand and things like that. But, there's, so there's those kinds of people that are unintentionally these like energy.

joy vampires, right? And they just kind of zap you. And then there's other people that... there are some people that are intentionally that way. We just, you know, don't boundaries, right? But then there's other people that are great people and they don't understand, and I think we're all guilty of this to some point, but again, we're all living in our own reality. And my reality is different than yours.

and the way I see the world and the way you see the world, while it might be very, very similar, it's not the same. Your experience is different than mine. And so that sometimes I think paints people's actions and sometimes I find that even the best people can come off a certain way or maybe like,

like they are thinking, saying, doing something. Maybe a situation didn't turn out exactly the way you thought it would. The important thing here is to know that, and this is where it really helps shove those insecurities out of the way. When you know that what you did on your end is good, you know where you were, where you stood and stand by that, you know?

And if it's something that you need to apologize for and move on, then do that or correct, you know, rectify in some way. Like if you really were in the wrong, I have a really funny story. So you guys know, if you've listened to the last couple of episodes I've mentioned, I am assistant manager for, I actually work for my dad, which is cool, part time. And we manage a trail riding business.

for a resort here close to our town. And I really love a lot of that.

the things that that job entails. Like, you know, we get to manage the horses and we get to, we get to alter the rides. If something's not working out, we get to help the crew like enjoy their jobs. Like I get, I get to do fun things like that. And we create, I get to create a fun work environment and I get to create a

us, you know, like allow, facilitate the source of income for these people. And, I love meeting new people and interacting with new people. And, and then, occasionally I do have to cover and I will take a tour.

And anyways, so now I'm put in this assistant manager position and I love it and I'm so thankful for it.

because it's helping me grow my other businesses and grow myself. You all know I'm super passionate about. anyways, so that was a really long intro to this story, but anyways, as part of the management, we have like a reservationist team.

that works with the third party booking agents, like get your guide and trip advisor and blah, blah. Right. So they do all of the booking, but if there's something out of the ordinary that isn't on a schedule or we have like a special request or something, they have to approve that by me. for example, at one location I have.

20 horses, okay? And I have two wranglers there. So I cannot physically make more than 20 horses show up. You know what I'm saying?

And I was booked, I had two available spots left.

And sometime in the night, one of these third party booking things, like it came through the third party, and they were able somehow to just book online. And they booked for a party of four. Okay? So, I'm overbooked by two. That's two horses I don't have. Like, I physically don't have them there. I would have to haul them from another location, which is, for one, you lose a lot of money that way.

right? And for two, if I have to be somewhere else putting out another fire, I can't put out this fire, right? So there had been this particular day, there had been several things show up like this that were, a couple of them were reservation oversights, a couple of them were things like this that were just frustrating, they were kind of out of people's hands, they happened.

while nobody was like on shift watching reservations at like two in the morning. And so we wake up seven a the following day with an oversold ride and zero options. So that combined with a couple of the things that had already shaken out that we had dealt with kind of rapid fire that day. And then there had been several things that we had to.

stay on top of, you know, like that whole week.

I pull some strings, I make it happen. I went and hauled horses, only to have this party of four that booked at 2 a not show up. And I was like, my gosh, that was so frustrating. So I get on our little booking app and look at our reservations and I realized they were moved to tomorrow. And so then I was frustrated because nobody told me. This is the kind of thing that...

that me as assistant manager needs to know, right? Because I just spent money hauling these horses around and I took horses from a place that we could have sold those horses and brought them to a place that we didn't even sell them. And, you know, it was all this stuff. So I kind of jumped this gal that handled this reservation and I did it, you know, professionally, but I also really called her out and I was like, look, if we're going to be doing this, like there needs to be an open line of communication.

we have got to, you know, get on the same page. Like where was the ball dropped? Because the reservation was for tomorrow and you told me it was for today and you know, blah, blah, blah. I said it professionally. I didn't just go off on her all unhinged, but this is the funny part. You guys, the woman who took over her shift was like, Hey, I just went back through our chat or, you know, so -and -so's chat.

And she did say that it was tomorrow.

So you guys, I went through all this stress and everything for nothing because why? I was in a little bit of a hurry reading through this message that she sent me and I read today instead of tomorrow. Okay, so that was my bad and I kind of jumped her ass. Like, so I felt bad and I was like crap, like, and I'm not saying in my defense.

But also just to help you understand these things that have happened prior to this event. we had been very just like, all right, we'll address it at the manager meeting on Tuesday. We'll address it at the manager meeting. Just let it, you know, don't, don't call anybody out. Just do whatever. So this was like the straw that broke the camel's back. It came unglued on her and guess what? It wasn't her fault. It was mine.

And was I embarrassed? yes, yes I was, very much so. But I got in the thing because we can't speak to each other on the phone, which is kind of silly, but it's just more efficient if we can just message like that for the nature of what's going on. And I messaged her and I was like, hey, I'm really sorry. I was in a hurry when I read your message and I read that as today. My mind just...

assumed that was today and I'm sorry that was my bad and you know we do need to work on our communication as a whole but I apologize for calling you out because that wasn't your fault that was mine and anyways I think that was I think that was good because number one I had a boundary finally right

There was a boundary that had been being pushed. The boundary was set and it has been openly communicated what this boundary was time and time again. And this boundary had been being pushed all day long, pushing the envelope, pushing the envelope. And finally, I was like, whoa, you guys are pushing through this boundary with very little respect.

And then, but I was wrong, right? Like that particular, had I been right, I would have been right, but I wasn't. And so the situation was still not ideal. but the bottom line is, is that.

We set the boundary and when I felt the boundary was being pushed, I put my foot down, right? And then when I realized I was wrong, there was an apology. And I think that that's so important to remember with our perspective on what people think and how we interact with other people because I could assume, I haven't had many interactions with this.

reservation agent since and I think it's just been because things have kind of slowed down, they're a little bit quieter, not so chaotic and hectic. But I could easily get in my head and assume that she's mad at me, that she hates me, she, you know, she'll never forgive me for calling her out like that. And in reality, I did call her out. But again, it was professional, it was kind, I wasn't just like a jackass. But it still sucks to be called out in front of people.

And I know how that feels. And so I could assume that she's feeling that way, she's mad at me, she doesn't want to interact with me, you know, blah blah blah. But I understand that it was an open, like it was a mistake on my end. And I apologized for it and I owned it. So I am choosing to not assume what I don't know, right? And that's a super simple, silly little story that has no...

affect on my well -being or hopefully on hers. But I think that's a really great example on how something so simple could turn into something really big if we allow it space in our heads. So this is something that's fun to practice. And when you're living with integrity on the daily, which I'm assuming we all are, right?

then it's easy to be like, you know what, I know what I did and either own up if it was a mistake or stand by it if it wasn't. But you know your actions and you know your reasonings and you don't need to justify that to anyone, regardless of what you think they might be thinking or, you know, if, and maybe it's, maybe it truly is a situation where they have expressed some kind of negativity toward you over that.

That's still something that do what you can within your power to rectify the situation, but don't give that boundary. You have that boundary for a reason, you know? And I think that sometimes we feel the need to make everybody comfortable and we end up breaking our backs for people. And I see this in people in my, you know, personal lives.

that do this and again i'm really thankful for being raised the way i was because i was raised by two awesome parents who are very christ -like and you know grandparents who are also very christ -like and service -oriented and kind

but I was also raised to stand my ground, whatever that means. And so I appreciate that that was ingrained in me from very early and another story time here. I might've shared this one before maybe on Facebook or something, but I was probably, yeah, I was eight years old because I got my white horse, Danny, when I was eight and we were going...

lion hunting and it was like late October, there was a skiff of snow on the ground and we were hauling the horses out to a certain spot and on the road on the way out there we cut a lion track. So they're like, well, all right, change of plans. Let's run this guy. So we, we pulled off the road right there and as we're like pulling off, here comes a truck with a trailer with four wheelers on. And I mean, I'm, you know,

just over eight years old and my dad, my uncle, they're business partners on the on the hounds and they're talking, you know, they're they're just conversation as we're getting ready and they're like, you know, they better not dump out on that. That's just not very good etiquette, right? That's like, clearly we're like, we're here. And anyways, so sure enough, these people whip it off the road.

and start getting ready and we're like what? I remember the conversation being like they can't really think they're gonna run this. So my dad tells me he's like get on your horse he's like trot down the road to where they're parked and tell them that if if they want to catch this lion they better hustle because we're gonna put it up and I was sick to my stomach I was like I am gonna tell these strangers something like this like I don't know these people.

And my dad's telling me to go down here and tell these people they better get a move on if they want to catch this lion. So I was like, dad, I don't want to. I argued with him for a second. Like arguments with dad don't ever last long. But I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't, I was like, I'm scared. I don't know these people. I don't want to say that to them. I was like, why don't you say it to them?

And he's like you trot down there and tell him what I told you and I was like, gosh Okay, so I start trotting down the road. They're like a couple hundred yards back and I was like Literally, I was sick to my stomach. I was like I am gonna have to tell these people this thing and I get about halfway down there and I realized it was people we know that we're actually pretty good friends with

And I was like, Hey! So I turned around, I dropped back real fast to dad and I was like, Hey, do you know that that's so and so and so and so? And he's like, yeah, did you tell him? I said, no, he goes, well, so I turned around, went down there. I told him. My friends laughed. They weren't actually going to run the line. They were just stopping to, you know, they were stopping to fix their trailer or tire or something. I don't know. It's been a long time ago. and my dad and uncle knew that, but.

my eight year old mind thought they were being dead serious about what was going on. Anyways, I am really thankful for having been raised where you do the thing, even if it's uncomfortable. And sometimes that means apologizing. And sometimes that means holding your ground. And sometimes that means trotting down the road to tell people they better get a move on. So anyways, that's just kind of a fun, a fun little story I actually really like to think of. And I don't think that I realized

until recently how much those little experiences. I didn't get an explanation. Dad knew exactly who that person was. He knew it was somebody I knew and was comfortable with. But he didn't tell me that because he wanted me to be brave and get over that anxiety in my in my mind and go do the thing that needed to be done regardless of the circumstances. Right. And he knew that I was safe and he wouldn't have made me do it had it been unsafe or anything like that. But he knew.

And he set me up to build that confidence inside me. And so I'm really thankful for that because I've been in some situations where, and I'm sure you all have too and you're probably relating to what I have to say here, where you get that feeling in your guts. It's like, man, I don't want to have to do this, but you know you don't have an option. And so you do it anyway.

You know, one of those, just most recently, has been with my Sylvia in the hospital. That was quite the deal for me. And I really had to stand my ground to the point where I was physically escorted out of the pediatrician's office. Was I out of line and being belligerent? And, you know, I was causing a scene, but I was not being belligerent and rude.

and you know like physically assaulted me somebody but what how i was being treated and how and the the care that my daughter was getting and we were just getting blown off that required

boundaries right and I am so glad that I had all those experiences growing up to teach me to hold my boundary but to be kind because let me tell you what when I finally got through to somebody it was our third time in the ER and this doctor the pediatrician who was on call at the ER

He came in and I was explaining to him what happened and he was listening to me and he, you could see in his face, he was so disappointed at what had been happening to this point. Sylvia was so far gone that...

her oxygen was crashing. I get really worked up about it. So I'm gonna just skip over the details. They were wanting to fly her to the children's hospital because of what her vitals were doing and what was happening with her body. By the time we made it to the children's hospital,

We actually ended up riding on the ambulance because they wouldn't let me fly on the helicopter. And I was like, no, I am, she's not going alone. And I'm like, if she's stable enough to handle an ambulance ride, let's go that way and let's just go. And so that's what we did. And they just kept her all hooked up to her stuff and down we went. And by the time we were there, the children's hospital,

and they were getting all of their measurements and whatnot.

She was down to 13 pounds.

and she was 18 months old. And this all happened, this happened over the course of about 10 days. Now, obviously she had a condition that was working against her this whole time. However, she'd been maintaining. And then when I realized something was wrong and went in there, I got blown off, ended up in the ER back and forth. That took, you know, that was...

In a couple days and then we'd be out for a day then we were in a couple days and then would be out for a day and then that third time we went in

That third time we went in, we finally got everything sorted out. But you guys, boundaries, okay? And sticking to your guns and knowing that what you're doing is good goes so far. From any end of the spectrum, okay?

From a simple work boundary to like, hey, we need to communicate a little more clearly in order for us to do our jobs most effectively to something that literally could have, it would have had catastrophic consequences had I just rolled over and been like, I guess she's fine. They say she's fine, right? She was so close to not being here. And so whatever, wherever you fall on that spectrum with whatever your

particular situation is and that changes day to day. Every day we have situations where we can step into our boundary with confidence and communication and do the things we need to do.

when you live your life with integrity and you know, the intention that you're trying to grow and be the best person you can be, then ultimately it doesn't matter what other people think of you. And, and really it doesn't matter, you know, it doesn't matter. Anyways, those, those people's perspective is theirs. Let them have that perspective.

And you live your life in such a way that you will show them that that perspective is going to change. Right? You'll change that perspective for them just by being who you are. One interaction, one situation, one business deal, one, you know, job scenario that does not define who you are, even though it may define someone's perception of you. So if you're always doing your best, always, always living.

you know, in a way that you can stand behind, then nothing else matters. And over time, those people's perception is going to change. You're going to show them how you fit into their paradigm and you can choose whether it's in a positive or a negative way. So my advice to you is please always give the situation the benefit of the doubt. Always assume that they understand exactly where you were coming from.

Because the more you can do that, the more you treat that person with that perspective, the more likely that actually is to be a reality. And so don't make it a bigger thing than it needs to be in your head. And I know that's easier said than done, but all that matters is a little bit of practice and your confidence is going to increase. You're going to feel stronger holding your boundaries and maybe even defining boundaries. And,

Anyways, that's my rambling for today. Until the next one, you guys, don't you dare cut your dollies on that dream.