Motherhood & Goals with McCrae & Amy | Apr 22, 2024 0018

Tucker Martin (00:00)
Alright you guys we have something really awesome planned today. I have two of my best friends on the planet here with me. I have McCrae Thompson and Amy Jacobs. I almost called you Mason. Anyways we're here on the podcast talking about motherhood and goals and everything that comes with that. So welcome to the Ranch Ramlin podcast. We're so excited that you're here and we're just really looking forward to where this conversation takes us because...

We've been setting up down here for a few minutes and it's mostly been giggles and hilarity. So I'm excited to share this and these ladies, Awesome Insights, they're awesome moms. They are entrepreneurs, they're very ambitious and I look up to them for a lot of different things. So I'm excited for them to share some of their insights with you. And like I said, this is, well the topic is motherhood.

Find yourself somewhere between the lines if you don't have kids. Because I feel that a lot of our conversations are actually applicable in a lot of different walks of life. So with that, here is Amyann McCrane. Hi guys. Hey. We're having fun because this is like a video that you guys aren't seeing unless you're watching the YouTube, but it's a weird dynamic for us right now. It's a fun dynamic. Yeah, a fun dynamic.

So, you guys, we talk about this kind of stuff all the time. And we actually, a little side note, we are all business partners on a different business together outside of the podcast and everything, ranch rambling, this is something completely independent. However, this is something we've had a ton of fun doing together and we just came off of a business conference there. So, we just spent the weekend with each other, really.

you know, fueling that entrepreneurship spirit and I feel like that was perfect timing for me as far as sometimes as moms we can get a little sucked into the drudgery. I'm talking with my hands you guys. This is fun. Like what do you guys, do you feel like that was an awesome, like good timing for that? I think it was a good invest in ourselves type thing. Cause I mean we sacrificed to be there but

things we learned there were by far more than the sacrifice. Yeah for sure. Yeah for sure. I know for me like as I was sitting in it, it dawned on me kind of for the first time at one of our business conferences that like what we're talking about here and what they're teaching us there how to succeed is again kind of what Tucker said earlier it's applicable to every other thing in my life and I was like holy cow like if I took this

and use the same system in my other business or the same system just in motherhood in general. Like I feel like I got a lot out of that where it was like, holy crap, this does not justify to this one business. Yeah. That's kind of been an overarching trend with that since we've jumped in on that because it's just like a trickle down effect into everything. Like you start working on yourself and the way you think and everything else changes. And I guess that's a really good area to just kind of

tackle our little topic head on right here. There's a lot of, I guess it's like a stigma that we hear. I've heard it, I've felt it at times that when you have kids and you become a mom, sometimes those personal goals and dreams don't matter anymore or maybe they just slip through the cracks but they don't become a priority. And I don't think anything should become a priority over your children but.

there's a way to do it both and enrich your kid's life and your life and still do the same. So what are your guys' thoughts on that? I think motherhood is my purpose and my goals are my passion. I love my kids and they're also my passion but it's a way you can kinda differentiate there. I have a purpose and I have a passion for sure. I think it's hard to be passionate when you don't have a purpose. Oh, I agree.

Yeah, that's awesome. McCray, that was really cool. And that's one thing, I mean that just speaks to... You guys, if you're not hanging out with us, you need to be. I mean, I'm just saying. We're all just friends here. Yeah. Come hang out. I think, and really, that just speaks to, you know, the overuse, whatever, find your vibe, attract your tribe, or whatever the heck. But...

really, I think it is so important to align with people with the same values and priorities and things like that because like what McCrae said, I couldn't agree with that more. I didn't think of it in those terms, but I love that. Motherhood is my purpose. That's all I've ever wanted to be, you know, quote, is a mom, but that doesn't mean that everything else has to just die.

because that's not what life is either. Yeah, I feel like when your passion dies is where a lot of other things die too. Like when you find yourself having a hard time just going through the day by day life, I think that's a good time to step back and evaluate and be like, okay, like how is my tank not being full right now? And when we're worn out, when we didn't get sleep last night because we were up with the babies, when...

you know, we're having just a really bad day. I think that's just such an important time to step back and be like, okay, what do I need to do to fill my cup so that I can feel like I'm being a good mom and being a present mom? At least that's been something like for me that I'm like, okay, is it time to go start, you know, doing this again or is it time to go garden? Is it time to just get outside, get dirt on my feet? Like, you know, I don't really know.

going with that but I think that was perfect I think it's good for our kids to see even yeah little littles and we have to have little littles you have a little but for them to see that we're passionate about something yeah if they grow up seeing oh mom loved to do this yeah and she worked hard for it and so yeah they can take that and put that in their right well I I'm trying to remember who I heard this from it might have been on

Tucker's podcast, I can't remember. I think it was a podcast, I don't know. I can't remember whose it was. So I'm so sorry if I'm not quoting who said this, but it was something along the lines of like, I never want my daughter to grow up and be like, oh, my mom didn't chase her dreams because of me. Like I held her back. I watched her stay home and be miserable and be short with me because she wasn't being fulfilled and mom just would get angry a lot or.

you know, she was worn out, she was burnt out. And I never want my daughter ever growing up and being like, yeah, mom, like she was good at this, this and this, but she stopped and we just stayed home. Which I'm not judging how anyone does things, but I never want her to feel like she's the reason why I wasn't pursuing my passion or just being fulfilled as a person in general. Like, I feel like you cannot fill others if you are not also fulfilled. Yeah.

Or like you're not going to fulfill others in a way that's pleasant, should we say. Well, and I think just a different way of saying what you said, like... You can't... Not to be... I'm not saying not to be selfless, I don't know what that word, what the word is I'm trying to nail on here, but like... You can't continue to give, give at the expense of yourself because when you're gone, they're...

is nothing left. Right. So where like where does that boundary lie? And I think that's where a lot of moms get hung up is um I'm rolling.

you know, as a mom, our kids are our priority. They come first all the time. And then what's left, you know, we try to give to our husband. And then what's left after that? Like, so how, where does that, you know, where does that line go? And I think sometimes that gets lost in the shuffleware. It's like, I have to be everything for everyone while still trying to be me and the me gets lost.

And I don't think pursuing that is selfish. That's been something I've had to feel on my own personal journey. That it's like I'm not being selfish if I say, hey, I need a couple hours or I'm going to get my lashes done. Yeah. Like whatever the thing is there, but did you have something to say? Yeah. It's been fun to see. I have two little boys.

It's been fun to see their passions kind of align with either my husband or me And they're not always the same and they mix and match with both of them So on days when I'm like, okay, I really need a minute my oldest son can go with my husband on the truck because Lange just as excited to go on the truck as Shan is. Yeah. Yeah, they're ready to go They're good to go and then my youngest we can stay home and be more creative and paint and I mean he's 18 months old but

He's more of the crafty little guy that kind of meshes with my, what I like to do. So that has been a good compromise for us. That's cool. So I guess with that, like what, what kind of action could somebody take? And even if like, again, if you're listening and you don't have kids, um, maybe you're not even married and, and maybe you're just, you know, rocking it, doing whatever you're doing, I think these tips are applicable.

all of our lives. So even though we're talking about motherhood specifically, I hope that you see a way this could benefit you because I think we all need that and don't realize it so much until we're completely overwhelmed by the family and the kids and all the things. But what are some things that you guys have done or some tips maybe you have for taking like...

Taking that me time and setting that boundary without feeling the guilt. Because I know a lot of women that I talk to are like, even me, I feel the mom guilt. It's like I just left my kids with grandma for the weekend, and now I'm leaving them again to record the podcast, and now I'm leaving them again to go to work. Like, whatever the situation is, there's always that potential for the guilt or the, you know. So what do you guys do? First of all...

Grandma is excited. Yes. That's what I mean. That's right. It's especially where you've been gone. Yeah. And that's a whole other story. But, but grandmas are excited. My mom just got a full-time job. So it went from grandma to like she's working and that's been awesome for her. Like I've loved to see her chase her passions because that's an example to me, just like we're talking about.

just to see her go and do her thing and it's been fun. We've done some collaborations on projects and it's a cool time of life, but it's a little bit different than what it looks like. So maybe finding your people that you can leave your kids with, whether that's grandma or if you're not able to have grandma right now, finding your people that are okay to do that. Right. That's where the situation.

situation that I'm in. We live pretty far away from most of our family except for my dad, but he also works like pretty much full-time. He does help and loves to help when he's around, but I have a cute little girl who just got her driver's license who was wanting to earn some extra money. She has babysat a ton. Such a good babysitter. She's so good. She's so patient. My daughter is very all-consuming.

always all there and so it was very important to me that I found someone who you know was going to be able to handle that and not like get frustrated or short-tempered or stressed out or whatever. She's so good and so for me I think what helps me the most with like combating like that mom guilt is knowing like she's having fun with my babysitter. She's having fun and I know they're gonna go have fun.

And I also know that she's out learning and doing things. They go outside a lot. Like it just feels good to me to know, like it's not like I'm just locking them in a closet and going off and doing my work, you know? Like they're with someone who's very attentive and loves them and she's learning. She's having fun. She's outside. She's riding a bike, whatever it is. Like she's having fun. That's been one of the biggest things for me is like, and even most of the time my babysitter comes to my house, but the few times that I take her over to.

babysitter's house like she has a trampoline outside and my daughter loves trampolines and it's like just feels so good knowing like that she's getting she's having a good time and even when I leave her with my husband I feel like it's nice because she gets to spend time with dad he you know he works a full-time job so I know that Dylan cherishes every moment that he gets to spend one-on-one with her and knowing like I can't gatekeep that.

Dylan needs to be able to also be with her. So that's what helps me the most. I mean, we all still struggle with it to a point, and you shouldn't feel guilty about having mom guilt. We're not perfect. And even though you're working through it and combating it, it's totally okay to not be good at combating the mom guilt right off the bat. Right. Mom guilt is also a way that I feel

that you can show how much you care. Yeah. Like if you're, even if you're not feeling guilty, like you still care about your kids, but the fact that you care enough to be over caring. Yes, yes. Is a big teller of. So true. That you shouldn't be feeling guilt. Right, right. Right, I like that. And you know, like what Amy was saying, I love, well, McCray kinda touched on it a second ago. We've been away from

all of our family for almost 10 years. And Sylvia will be 5 this year. She's, she's what, like 4 and a half, because her birthday is in November. And the whole time we've lived on the ranch in New Mexico and where we lived was pretty isolated. The family that we did have down there was my mother-in-law. She was an awesome lady and she passed away shortly after Sylvia was born.

then it's just my husband's grandparents down there. And so, and they were even an hour away from the ranch house. And so it was very isolating, but it was also awesome because I didn't, I didn't have to necessarily deal with that, like, oh, I'm leaving my kids again, or oh, I'm doing this. But I also never got the, oh, thank heavens. Yeah. You know, I have some me time or whatever. So that's been a weird, interesting.

kind of transition because like McCrae said, the grandmas love the grand babies and we're really blessed because our grandpas love them too. And I know a lot of families don't have that, you know, but my dad will take the girls and Sylvie's favorite thing lately is gopher trapping and she tells me, she's four years old you guys, four and a half years old. And I asked her when we got home last night.

because grandpa went and bought her a brand new gopher trap that was like her own and You know whatever and if you've ever trapped gophers, it's really kind of silly and there's The only benefit is because they absolutely destroy your hay fields or your pastures So that's what they're we're trapping that owl as we start, you know hay season and they're becoming active. So She'll go with him and has a blast and so I asked her Hey, did you catch any gophers in your new trap? And she tells me

No, but there was a couple new gopher digs. And I'm like, a gopher dig, huh? Like, so she's learning that. Like, what four year old knows there's a gopher dig, you know? And if you don't know what a gopher dig is, if you're listening, it's just their little mound that's the annoying mound that's like, oh my gosh, you're a freaking gopher. And so she's like all proud. She tells us, she's driving out of our property where we're going to build our house the other day. She's like. Mom.

I gotta tell grandpa something. And I'm like, okay, what do you have to tell him? Like, he was gone to work. And she's like, I saw a stinkin' gopher dig over there by grandpa's garden. She's like, I gotta get that sucker. So they learn stuff. And I love that that's such a powerful thing to pull on. Well, like no offense to my immediate family, but some of my most favoritest memories are with my grandparents. Yeah. You know, like.

It's just, it's so fun and new. You get a little bit of a break from your house buddies, but not that you don't like them, but it's just so fun. Like, and these are memories that like Sylvia, she's old enough, like she's going to remember this, you know, or at least parts of it for the rest of her life. And she's always going to be like, oh yeah, like I, I helped grandpa with those darn gophers, you know, every summer since I was four years old. She's going to be very proud of that.

I know she's gonna figure out how to monetize it one day. She already is. Ten cents a go for grandma. Something like that. That just brings up so many memories of growing up. Like with Tucker and with Dylan. I remember flying ginormous airplanes off the cliff over here. We'd hike up behind your grandma and grandpa's house. Which were in turn kind of like my grandparents at the time.

But that kind of leads me to, like I grew up with you guys, but we're still good to grow up together now that we've found each other again. And that's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. And you guys just a little history, I guess. That's a perfect time to bring that in. So Amy is my sister-in-law. If you've been around here for a while, you know that. And McCray,

we grew up in this our little small town. McCray and I, she's actually closer to Dylan's age than mine, but it was fun because we were like, she's saying, around each other. We had all these adventures together. I remember one time, I don't remember if you were there or not, you might have been

and like all of your cousins came and we ended up actually changing sprinklers on the like irrigating up in the alfalfa field after my birthday party for whatever reason and that was one of my most favorite memories with those people because we're screwing around in the hayfield getting soaking wet because it's so tall you know and craw dads are coming out of the pipe and um anyways but that's i'm getting off all tangent the memories are awesome and

our history is, McCray and I grew up together, but I was older enough that I was gone by the time she was actually finishing high school and kinda doing my own thing. And then it's been like the last year and a half or so. We've kind of, we've reconnected. She had a baby. I had, Sylvia was a couple of years old and we just kind of reconnected and then.

years and years and years ago, Amy's family, when she was real little, actually lived, well, lived in a town like 15 miles north of us, but it's such a small community, they all came, we all came to the same school. So we have like this fun little intertwined history, and I just love that Rekreia said that. We got to grow up together, and then we all went and did our things for, I mean like it's been 10 years since I've been here, and now we're back and...

Honestly, these guys are my best friends and it's so freaking cool because now we get to have our kids together and have conversations like this. Yeah and Help each other with this whole mom life thing, which is awesome. Then make the memories. Yeah. Yep That's so cool Life's cool, that works out. You just reminded me when you said so yeah, I did live Literally like 15 minutes down the road

when I was, I was actually born there. And when I was five years old, we moved further away, about two hours away. But what's so funny was I did live here until I was five years old. And when I met Dylan and we started talking, I just was like, oh, where are you from? And he said like, oh, I'm from Glendale. And I just was like, oh, I have no idea where that is. Totally just like brushed him off until one day he finally brought me.

meet his parents and I was like oh I lived here. That's so funny. And I went to school with your brother when you guys lived here. Yeah and I hit a garden or something. I've got some older sisters that went to school with Tucker. My brother was with McCray. Yeah well that's funny because you leave like you leave school and there's some people there's some people I have not seen since graduation and then there's other people.

that I actually ran into in New Mexico one time. This is way off the podcast topic, but it's worth the story. And I was working at a vet clinic down there, and we had like the little doorbell that would go off when somebody came into the lobby. And I'm back in the lab doing some things, and I hear the doorbell, and I kind of gave my automatic like customer service greeting, you know, hey, we'll be right with you, you know, whatever the deal is. And I...

peeked my head up through the door to see what we were dealing with. And it was a girl that also graduated from here. And she was enough old within me, we didn't actually go to school together, but she was like a junior, senior in high school when I was in kindergarten and our school does like the high school teachers aid. Helpers. Yeah. And so I remember like her being a high school helper.

for my class when I was little. We rode the same bus together, obviously, small town community, so they're like 4-H and the fair and all this stuff. Like I knew who this person was and I'm like, what are you doing here? And she's like, oh, I came to volunteer. And then she realized who I was and she's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, I live here. And she's like, oh. So.

she had actually met and married a guy from Silver City as well. But I didn't know that and she didn't know that. And we happened to run into each other at one of the four animal clinics in the same town. It's just funny how it all works out and then, you know, who, how the connections evolve and whatever. But I'm looking at my milk right here, actually, from our conference this weekend. And it caught my eye and I've been thinking about it during this whole conversation. So I feel like.

we need to say it. And I think it applies really good, but it was from Christine Brady and she said happiness is an inside job. And I think she was quoting somebody, so I'm quoting a quote, but I love that so much and I think that has so much to do with our, what we've been talking about, that perception of where we're at within our motherhood and whatnot. what are your thoughts there?

There was also something from our conference that I really liked. Okay. And it was, I think it was Denise Cox maybe. She said, you have three minutes. When you're having a rough time, you have three whole minutes. You can, I mean, get the kids away. But, you know, you can kick, you can scream, you can yell at the world. Three minutes. And when those three minutes are up, you're done. And you don't hash it out again.

I love that. Well, and I think you'll be surprised at how well that actually helps because we just, we do, we just keep it pent up inside and it just stacks and stacks and stacks and depletes us of our sanity sometimes. And I think it's so important to allow that to ourselves. So like, okay, this came up, I'm feeling this way. I'm going to express it so that I've already expressed it and I don't have to think about it again. I love that. That actually...

See, I love how conversations evolve. I remember, how long have you and Dylan been married? Four years this year. Okay, so first off you guys, Amy thought I hated her when she- She did, just saying. Like, I am a friendly person. I just don't look like it all the time. She's a friendly person with occasional RBL.

Consistently occasional. Or occasionally consistent. I don't know. But, so, it's really funny. Because I don't really know when we started becoming like friends. I know! I think about this so often. I'm like, when did Tyler and I even start talking to each other? I don't remember why, but I was like, I just started calling her one day.

for something and I'm like oh gosh she's gonna think I'm like the crazy sister-in-law that's like and I guess it was a good thing because you thought I hated you up till that point. I'm like okay I'm sorry. Anyways so this was after she realized that I was actually on her team and um

We had a pretty good friendship going at this point in time, but there was some circumstances in our life that were emotional, and it was kind of taking up a bunch of space and time and energy in my mind, and it was quite the struggle. And I wasn't sure how to handle this particular situation.

and I am a little bit of a hothead and so I know that I have to take a second or I will lash out or say something I regret even to my you know close friends or close family or whatever the situation is and so sometimes I have to take a second and cool off which I've learned that now I haven't always been that way. And this had been going on for the situation had been building and stressing me out and

very much affecting my life and it wasn't shouldn't have been that big in my head but I remember calling Amy one time and we're talking about and talking about and talking about it and I get off the phone and I don't remember what happened but I decided I'm like all right I am gonna quit giving this so much attention and focus on how I'm reacting rather than the problem and

So I called her right back and I'm like, Amy, this is what I have to say and I'm gonna say it to get it out and then don't let me say it again. And that was kind of the start of a really cool kind of, I guess, a rule that I set for myself with anything or even if you have, I think we all have people in our lives that are unintentionally very negative and don't mean to be. But if I'm dealing with something that I find myself...

over and over and over or complaining about or trying to... This is different than like discussing the thing. But get the stuff off your chest and that's it. No more. Get it out. That could be part of your three minute philosophy. Get it out. Talk about it. If you need to say like, Hey, my feelings are freaking hurt with this. You know, I'm struggling with X, Y, Z, whatever the deal is. Then say it and have your discussion.

because I think the discussion is very beneficial, but then have it and be done, because otherwise you're just feeding that negativity. And as I look back on that, a lot of the circumstances I think we have all been in at like some point or another where, because a mom, you're stuck with the kids. You don't necessarily, I wasn't working at the time. So the only thing I had to do was get up and...

take care of the kids and then go to bed and do it all again. And so living out there on the ranch, you know, I couldn't, I couldn't ride, I couldn't have an outlet. I didn't have, and I kind of sucked myself into this yucky head space that was just rolling this situation over and over and over. And so that like one time rule has been really cool, even as I am a friend to other people.

I don't say, okay, you have one time to tell me this. But in my mind, that's the boundary I set for myself. And what's cool is you hold that boundary and make the decision, and then it ends up working itself out on the other end. And so. Well, when you give off the energy of like, I'm not going to take the same drama over and over and over, people catch on real fast, especially people who do get caught up in drama.

they're not gonna sit and talk to someone who is like that. Right. If they feel like you're not also, you know, giving in and talking more and talking more about it. You're basically sucking the oxygen out of the fire. Right, it's just like, okay, you know. And I think too, like I love what you just said, Tucker, I think such an important part of keeping your sanity, especially as a mom, is just like remaining super neutral when it comes to things of like.

Okay, is this actually a big deal or am I tired and hungry and stressed out and I'm making it a big deal? You know what I mean? Like just staying neutral and just being like, okay, I need to ask you something Tell me straight up. Let's discuss it so that I don't have that doesn't have to be on my mind anymore Right. I can have my mind on my kids or on making dinner or whatever it is. Mm-hmm You know, we only have so much capacity in our minds throughout the day

and it's hard when a lot of that is taken up by negativity or drama. Right. Well, and I think it ends up just spiraling. It totally does. And that also, I want to say, I know you have something to say, I just want to say this real quick and then we can go off it, because I think you'll have something to add also. That's why it's so important to surround yourself with the type of people that you can be legitimately vulnerable with and say like, hey,

So-and-so said this to me today. It really hurt my feelings because this and this and this is going on I don't know what I should do to mend this relationship or you know, I Lashed out and did this or that or whatever the situation is You need to have that trusted Few or a lot or whatever I have I just have a few but you got to have that trusted those people in your corner that are ready to listen to you, but then also be like

Mmm, does this need to be talked about and kind of shut down your bullshit? Yeah, honestly, sorry I Was told once don't mourn the problem twice And that goes with don't pre worry a situation. That's not actually there. Yeah, because In the off chance that it does happen. You've already mourned it twice now. Yeah, right

So don't pre-worry about a situation, don't post-worry about a situation, handle it when it gets there more than once. You know, more than that. Yes, I love that. Yeah. I love that. That's awesome. And it was a different way to think about it. And you can use your people. Like you're saying, you're fewer, however many you have, use your people because they need you just as much as you need them. Right, well, and I know for me, my personality type.

I tend to be like a fixer. I want to feel like I'm adding value to somebody. It's not validation is not the right word. Amy will probably have a really good way to phrase this with what I'm trying to say. When you feel needed also, it's that two-way street vibe that's like, oh good. So when I do have, it's not just me with the problem.

Like I'm not the only one that has emotions or struggles or the mom guilt or whatever because then when Amy calls me or McCray calls me and says, oh my gosh, my, I need a break. Like my child is driving me nuts, you know, or whatever it is that's going on. I feel like, okay, cool. They trust me as much as I trust them. And that's, that's so important to remember that don't be the person that holds it all in. And I mean, you don't need to go tell your stuff to everybody either, but.

Well just be diligent, I feel like. You know who you're talking to if you're talking to a, you know, someone who's gonna go spew your drama around town. Like don't talk to them about it. Say hi and walk away. Like talk to people who you trust. You can, you know, share that information with and it's gonna stay. You don't ever need to feel desperate. Yeah, yeah. Because there's always gonna be an ear ready to listen, but you don't have to be desperate for any ear.

That's right. I like that. Well, and, um, were you gonna say something? No, go ahead. I was just gonna like, I feel like this is tying back in with what we were talking about earlier. Like when you are, when you get caught up in stuff like this, I feel like that's where a lot of us feel like our goals are out of reach or our dreams are out of reach because we're being a mom and on top of that we're dealing with all these other things and...

I think that is where our dreams die, rather than just like, oh, I had a baby, my goals go out the window, I can't do anything anymore. It's not just the baby. It's the baby packed on top of friendship breakups or feeling lonely or not being able to do a whole lot or whatever it is. I feel like that's where a lot of us have the hardest time feeling like we still are worthy of our goals. I love that.

Especially especially us in this room. I know everyone's different but like we work hard. We're hard workers Yeah so I think a lot of us have a hard time feeling like if we're not actively working and we're not working really hard and pouring our Heart and soul into this and we don't even deserve it. So why are we even doing it anyways, and I feel like that's where it's like No We don't have to be so like strict about things, especially now our mom like our purpose is to be a mother

And so being easy on yourself and being like this is gonna look a whole lot different than it did when I was not a mom You know, like I can't go work give my a hundred percent and work on this all day every day Like I have kids to tend to and so I think that's like a really important reminder to making sure that you're you know, your crap is taking care of as far as The stuff that goes on in your brain so that you

like you can go out and still make your goals happen while also being a mother. I've been testing out this little system and I don't know if it's a proven system but it's worked pretty well for my situation with my little boys but basically if I know I have something I need to get done like in my mind to be okay for that day like okay I really

just have to clean the living room and it needs to be vacuumed. And it takes about 10 minutes, whatever the time is. I play with my boys during the morning or whenever and then I say, okay, but I'm setting a timer for 10 minutes and I have to work for at least 10 minutes. I need you to go read some books or I need you to read books to your brother or go play on the grass or eat a popsicle, whatever it is.

but I really have to do this for 10 minutes and usually he's just fine with it. Oh yeah, mom. Yeah, that's fine. Right. Yeah. Right. And I think that goes, we talked about this a little bit earlier, but I think it's so important that our kids watch us follow through with what we say we're doing. All right, I'm setting a timer, I'm doing this. I feel like that makes such an impact on our kids more than we even realize when they're like, oh, mom says she's going to

and I watched her get the vacuum out and vacuum. I didn't watch her sit down and get on her phone and waste her 10 minutes away. I feel like that's just so, so important. Right. I heard a statistic the other day that, I wish I could remember where it was from, but if you spend 18 minutes on one skill every day, after one year,

you'll be more proficient at that skill than over 90% of the population. Yeah. 18 minutes, you guys. Every mom has 18 minutes. And so when I heard that, you know, you can listen to all the things you want out there. There's a bunch of stuff available anymore. But ultimately what it comes down to is you have to have... You gotta decide what it is you're doing.

But then you gotta put in the effort and take the action. And we've talked about this in several episodes over the course of the show. But that 18 minute thing, I was like, okay. So I've been, a personal goal of mine has been to get a horse I can enter a jackpot on and rope on. And I think I've got him. And so why is there?

why would there be a reason that even six months from now, I mean by that logic I should be better than 45% of the population, right? Because all seriously I need to work on my skill heading a steer and riding my horse for 18 minutes a day. So if I can rope the dummy for 18 minutes a day, there's no reason I can't be entering jackpots whenever I want to and doing good.

doing well at them. And, um, I just, that was so mind-blowing because that's such a small amount of time and yet the majority of people in general won't commit to that 18 minutes. Yeah. No matter what it is. Yeah. I feel like, um, when I was doing a certification a while back, they were explaining to us the...

some kind of like, I don't remember the exact wordage they use, but it's some kind of like exponential law. Like a lot of people don't make it past this point because they feel like they've been doing so much, but that work doesn't pay off until they've done it that much for this amount of time. And they're like, okay, I'm doing all the work, I'm doing all the work, but I still feel like I haven't made any progress. If they were to allow themselves to continue that...

The graph was crazy. It was like, you'll go from just not making any progress to literally like blowing up super fast. And it's just being able to decide you're going to do something and following through with it, even on the hard days, or like not just giving up on the hard days, I should say. There are days that you're gonna do less and that's okay. You shouldn't just, you know, allow yourself to just get through that day and it's okay. Like don't be hard on yourself.

of a story I heard today and it went kind of like this, like there's this seed for a tree and the seed, what's around the seed is super thick. And so you plant the seed, but it takes five years for the seed to emerge from the ground for you to see anything. And you have to water it every day or the seedling dies. So it's in the ground, you can't see it, you're constantly working on it for five years. And then...

the next I don't remember what the numbers were but in the next 90 days or in the next I Don't know like Five months it grows 90 feet. Yeah, like something crazy Some crazy amount like unfathomable amount but that consistency every single day Like Amy's saying you do it every single day Then all of a sudden you see the growth like you can see it growing before your eyes basically right I love that It's kind of like the ice cube

theory. Have you guys heard that one? I don't think I have it in. I think it's in, I'm trying to think of what the book it's in. So we know ice melts at 33 degrees, right? 32 degrees it's freezing. So you can put an ice cube out on the table in a room and it's 20 below. Ice is going to be frozen, right? And you turn up the thermostat, 5 degrees.

Five degrees, five degrees. It's not melting. Yes. So you turn it up to 32 degrees, ice cube still will not melt. It's going to stay frozen. But when you hit 33 degrees, the ice cube will melt. And until that time, it's not going to melt at all. But the temperature is rising. Yep. It's rising, rising. That's like, you're like, you know, whatever the book, they call it a.

Oh, maybe it was just like a principle, the principle of something. Yeah, yeah. And if you think about it on a personal level, you know, it's always it. Maybe it will help you understand it better if you're thinking of like, I'm taking this time to condition myself, like I'm not getting the result that I want right now, but I'm still going to use the time that I have to condition myself so that when the time comes, I can reach that goal a lot easier than if I was starting from scratch. Oh, yeah. You know. Yeah.

That kind of sparked in my mind like a threshold, like the ice cube. Yes. It's to this point, but if you can push past this point, you've got it made. Yeah. So that just makes me want to set a personal goal. I'm going to push and push and push until I know it's that point. Yeah. And that's as far as I have to go and then things are going to happen. Right.

I just have to be willing to push to that point. Yes. Work to that point. Right. To get things rolling. Right. And I think it's important too, like what Timmy's, or Timmy. Hahaha. Have it, whatever. Amy said, they are very similar you guys. We are. How similar they are. Um.

about like don't there's gonna be days that you do less and that's okay but where is are you being consistent because you can't go really hard for three days and then not do anything for a week and then go really hard for three more days and even though those three days were like the most effort you've ever put in it doesn't matter because then you're not gonna do it yeah for another ten days right or whatever

The thing is also with that don't be hard on yourself if you are still doing things those like seven days in between But they're so small that you're like, oh it doesn't amount to anything Right, you know like make sure you're like being honest with yourself like did I really not do anything or Did I think of new ideas did I make a plan did I create my schedule? Like even if it's small like count it towards your thing, but yes, I agree like keep it consistent

I think like personally for me, I think consistency builds momentum and vice versa. Momentum builds consistency too. And I think the better you can be at one of those, the better you're going to be at the other one as well. Yeah. I think going back to our original topic, the moms and goals, is if you're a mom and you're listening to this and you don't have a goal,

find yourself a goal. It doesn't have to be a big goal, but then what you have to couple with that goal is a dream to push you to do that goal. Yes. So think about your dream. Think about what do I wanna be able to do for my kids? What do I wanna be able to do for my family? Maybe that dream looks like vacations or it looks like a good vehicle or it looks like a pet or whatever that dream looks like for you. Dream that dream. It's okay.

to have that in mind because that's what pushes you to your goals. Yeah. So I would challenge you if you're listening to this and you're like, man, I don't have a dream, I don't have a goal. And you know, a year ago I would have been counted in that. I was not a dreamer. I did not have goals. I was just wallowing in motherhood. Like, find those things that set you on fire because those are the things that are going to get you through the day to day. Yes. And allow yourself to be crazy enough.

to believe that you can do it. Yeah, I think without that little bit of an edge, then you're gonna stay in the same place. Well, I think anybody listening could probably look around and either they see somebody that is crazy enough to do the things they want. And what's kind of a bummer is there's this perception in society that

Oh my gosh, what is she doing? She's always driving a new car. She always has her lashes done. I get that one all the time. Um, you know, why does she waste money on that? Why, you know, there's all of this judgment that happens to the people that are willing to step out and be different. When in reality, everybody wants to be able to do their lashes if they want to do their lashes. Might not be lashes for you, but the concept is the same. Yeah. Um...

It might be shoes, it might be your hair done. You might, like you said, you might just need a freaking new car. Yeah. Like, but I think everybody, if you get really honest and let yourself be a little psycho, you'll be like, no, what I actually want is this, this. And it's not bad to have those aspirations. Is that the word? Yeah. Hahaha. My vet tech was like, wait.

Real kind of aspiration. You know, those, having those things is not bad and that's also I think a misconception. That doesn't get addressed very clearly a lot of the time. And as a mom, somehow there's this weird box we have to fit in that means we're all or nothing. Or we have to be...

You know fit in this box so everybody else feels comfortable. Yeah, and that's not true you guys live your life Yeah, I think there's another misconception that goes along with that really has been bugging me lately. Okay, so I'm just Let this go this is my one time hashing it out But the whole concept of man that person's lucky oh Yes

Straight up? No, if you're looking at people and you're seeing that they have the new car, the new truck, whatever, I just say that because I just got to the point where I could buy a new truck. Yeah. And we travel so much that it is the thing that we have to have. We don't live in our own home right now, we rent, but it is the thing that we needed to make our life work right now. Right.

And people ask me all the time, like, how did you get so lucky to have that? Like, how do you even, how can you even afford that? There's acid coming up my throat because of how upset it makes me. And it's really been hard because I worked hard for this. I've been working hard for this for years to work up to this point, to have something that is reliable enough for our family to do what we do.

Right. I just need to throw in real quick. If working hard is just working hard at raising your kids, yeah, that's enough of a reason for you to be able to get the new truck. Yeah. I don't know what exactly what McCrae's referring to, like what kind of like hard work she was doing, but I just want everyone to know like if quote unquote I'm using air quotes if all you were doing was raising your kids, girl you dream.

you get that truck, get that car, like you're not, it's okay. Like you don't have to be working, you know, three full-time jobs while also trying to be another, to be working hard enough to get what you want. Yeah, that hits it right on the head because that's my situation. I don't, until recently I didn't have a super good gig, you know, like I wasn't bringing in income. And, but my husband saw.

need. And maybe not everybody's husband sees the need, but for him to see that need and say, okay, we're gonna look for one. And to go back to the misconception, people don't generally luck into what they have. They work for what they have and they work really hard for what they have. So if you're looking, if you're from the outside looking in and you're saying, man,

They're so lucky to have that. Maybe take a step back and look at the bigger picture and see what they have to do to get there. And then look at yourself and say, what do I need to do to get there? Yes. To whatever it is. So that actually brings up, both of you triggered this in my mind. And I've had this jam with a lot of friends over the years because I am not like some financial guru. However.

My parents are very good with their money. They're not tight asses by any means, but they're really good with their money. Um, but what that means is a lot of things. And like what Amy was saying, sometimes working hard doesn't mean you have three jobs and you know, all these things going on that you're like actually pulling in money. But what that is, is I think what Maura McCrae's talking to, nobody saw.

how she budgeted. Nobody saw the homemade meals she made. Nobody saw that McCray didn't go out and get her little soda every day. Or, you know, all these things. I mean, I don't know. I'm just projecting my personal experience. I don't know what McCray actually did or did not do. But it was probably, she didn't buy herself clothes for a while until she actually needed them. Or.

You know, you go without the things because that's how you saved and then that's where you are. Geez, you're gonna make me cry. Not trying to do that, but... But it's just so passionate. Like, the passion of taking care of your family outweighs your own needs 100% of the time. Yeah. And to finally be...

in a position to say, okay, I did this for me, and I sacrificed for my family. To do it is okay. It's okay to look inside your life and say, okay, I did these things because I love my family. But my family also loves me. And that's reason enough to push towards your dreams. Right. There was a...

I don't know if you guys know who Mel Robbins is. If you don't, you should. I freaking love her. She posted something the other day and it was something along the lines of like, stop acting like you're entitled to what other people were entitled to. And what she was saying was, oh well so and so, their dad bought them a house and a truck and she's like, so what? How does that affect you? Like work harder.

Go to work, so what they got a new house. So what their parents bought them horses. So what their parents bought them a new truck and trailer. So what? Yeah, that makes it easier for them. How does that affect you? Right. You know, all it affects you is because you're- You're letting it bother you. Letting it bother you. You're jealous that they have it. And that brings up another note, and I think I said this maybe on another podcast, but there's another coach that I love and follow, and she said something along the lines of,

like if you see other people out there doing what you want to do, jealousy will push you further away from that dream. yes. but if you can be excited for them, happy for them, like their posts even if they're a little bit triggering because you're not doing what they're doing yet, like their post, comment, be happy for them, like be supportive of the things that you want because when you start when you start making the negative connection of like

oh well, McCray just bought a new truck and I'm upset about it because I've worked for five years straight and I don't have a new truck. Now you're creating like a negative correlation between new trucks and you having one. Yeah, and that subconsciously actually goes to work quite powerfully. It totally does and you're pushing yourself away from the opportunities of having those things because you've convinced your mind that...

Oh well, I hate this person because they have all these things. Which just rubs you and them on all things. Yeah, switch the roles. If you were in a situation where your parents just gave you whatever, you want people to look at you and say, man, that is awesome. Yeah. That is an awesome opportunity for you. Look at what you're going to do with that opportunity. Well I think of that in the rodeo type scenario. Because

I'm not gonna lie, as a freshman in high school I felt a little jealous of the girls that had nice horses that daddy bought for him and I had that attitude, daddy bought him that horse and I don't love that I had that. I am thankful I don't have that now because I see what it did and I'm like, I'm you know, not that everybody has to make their horse or whatever but it was like a little bit of that like martyr type mentality.

that it's like, you know, I was consistently like one or two holes my freshman year out of qualifying for state, like that whole first semester. And I paid for some coaching from, actually he's doing some clinics this summer, but a really good friend of ours, it's a really good tie down roper. And he...

helped me get my mind right, which was awesome because after that I was consistently in the top ten in the breakaway roping instead of falling short and being pissed because dad bought her horse and my dad couldn't afford one. He gave me the best he could, but what it was my ranch horse that I was making work. So rather than have that crappy attitude and whatever.

I invested in the clinic, he took the time and was like, look, let's put the training on your horse and then this little horse has what it takes, you know? And from there, it was just step by step more and more beneficial for me and I began to lose that perception, that judgment and because that doesn't serve anybody like and now as a parent.

I'm like, I want so badly to have the... Like, again, I think we've got him. But I want the horse that Sylvia can get on and go lope around the barrels. He's not gonna run off. He's not gonna kick up. He's not gonna spook when the fire truck, you know, honks the... whatever. Like, you just want to be safe. I want to have a safe trip down the road, which involves a truck and trailer, that are expensive.

And if I'm the person that somebody looks at and is like, you know, oh, why don't you make your kid work for it? It's like, no, I worked for it. Yeah. And again, with the luck like. Well, and if you think about it, it's like, well, where does the cycle break? Yeah. Like you want just everyone to live in poverty. And when? When do you want? Well, when are we going to do better? You know?

Right. Well, when it's like, where does that... It's just, this is a whole other tangent, but like, where does that perception come from that like we all can't? What's, why should I be upset over you guys' success when I can equally be as successful? Like, why should we feel... And you'll never get it. Sorry, Amy. Go ahead. Why should we feel competitive against each other for the same dream? Exactly. Yeah.

That's completely unnecessary. Yeah, I think Tucker says it. I don't know. I think I think it's a Tucker original quote or something Competition happens at the bottom collaboration happens at the top and it's Okay, you guys that is a Tucker original because it was complete and absolute inspiration at

Minnesota? Yeah. We went to a similar business conference in Minnesota, which was it was a very cool experience the whole way around, but us three were there together and the people that we got to learn from are absolutely amazing people, super generous, but they're living all of these principles we're talking about and they are

insanely successful. Like, insanely. They're... Let me just put this chip in for these people. Yes. They, like Tucker said, insanely successful but care to give us the time of day to mentor us. Yeah. Like, they don't have to give us the time of day. No. But they care to. And that blows my mind. Yeah. So we've actually had some really cool opportunities to actually visit with these

and you know they'll put on trainings for the three of us if that's what we want. Like it doesn't have to be, it's really cool because each one of us has these people's phone numbers and they are so great at living these values that we're talking about where there is no jealousy. There is

There might be some fun type of competition, but on the deep level, it is, I want you to win because I know how it feels to win. And I want to share this with you. And that's been such a huge driver in, I think all of us with these, are changing our way of thinking, honestly. And if we're being honest, it is not fun to look.

at the truck and trailer and be like, oh, aren't they lucky? Is that a good, like how do you truly, how do you feel when you say that? Like you might have some short term, like temporary satisfaction, but I think if you got really, really honest, that doesn't feel very good. It doesn't. And if you think about, instead of feeling, oh, I shouldn't say feeling, but instead of allowing yourself to sit with bell sloths.

How about when those thoughts do come, because you're not gonna be perfect overnight, right? So when those thoughts do come and you're like, ugh, it's like, why do these guys have the truck and trailer of my dreams and I'm over here busting my ass my whole life and I still have old beater down over here. And anyways, when those thoughts come into your mind, like, how about you just be like, oh man, I can't wait to have that one day. I can't wait to have a rig like that. Yeah. That like...

you know, allow yourself to be like, oh yeah, I've been seeing rigs like this on every rodeo that I go to. And I'm super excited for the day that I get to own something like that. Yes. Because again, if you start, if you start correlating negative thoughts with the things that you want, you will forever push yourself away from the opportunity to get stuff like that. I heard a really cool.

analogy one time about finances, kind of the same concept. If you were talking to a friend, the way you talk to or about money, would that person want to be your friend? This is taking a little different turn, but it was really cool because it was like, wow, that's actually... why are we thinking these kind of... ugh.

thoughts because it's like I get you but I have to have you. Yes. Seriously. How would you feel if your friend was like, so I don't really like you but I really like the things you have so like do you want to be around that person? I don't think so. Or you know like McCray you never want to hang out with me. Yeah. Really? You're horrible you never give me what I want. Yeah. There's never enough. Yeah. Never enough.

So I love that analogy because I was like, but for real, I don't want to be with that person. So when we change our thoughts about the things in our life.

People can argue that doesn't work or whatever, but... Try? At the very least, how does it make you feel when you change your thoughts like that? That's enough for me. But... There's nothing to lose there. No. So we kinda got a little, ooh, tangent-ed off there, but I think it's... It all ties. A worthy tangent. It is a worthy tangent. Where it's rambling. Rambling. It's aptly named. It was almost like there was a little bit of...

Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. Purposefully on accident. Yes. But you guys that are listening, I hope that there's been some little nuggets for you to take. These are amazing moms and amazing business women, honestly, that really give of themselves more often than they don't. And so it's been really fun to have them on today. But just, I guess, to bookend this.

with our original topic. There's a bookmark in there somewhere, I think. Oh yes, there's some marks around. We have some pages dog-eared, I guess. If you had to leave somebody with one thing, maybe specifically the moms and the goals, what would you say or what's a...

You know, it can not just like a one-liner, but like what's your, you know, overall advice about this perception that moms have to give up their dreams or goals or passions just because they have the kids? Go ahead. I would say give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel the happiness. Allow the happy feelings to reside in you because you're

Kids will see that. Your husband will see that. I recently just had a mindset shift with my family because I was being really resentful for some reason. I don't know what the reason was or all of the background even, but I think this thought came to my mind. Allow yourself to love your husband with your whole heart. Give your whole heart. Yeah. Like stop holding pieces of it.

For whatever else like right give him your whole heart and that was a slap in the face first of all Yeah for my own mind to be like well, they are not giving him your whole heart. Yeah, you know, but for me to look at him and to make that conscious like I Love you with my whole heart. Yeah Just was this big shift in my mind that has forever changed me so I would recommend

whatever it is, whatever your dream is, whatever your kid's your husband, give it your whole heart because that's what's going to give you the change in your mind to be able to make it happen. yeah and again i am referring back to your comment a little while ago about your you know find that find a dream because there you can't you

You don't have to live, like Amy said, in poverty. Because you can be poor as dirt and love your family so much. But don't you want to give them a little bit more? Yeah. You can do that. You can be on the opposite end of the spectrum and still love your family so much. That shouldn't change. There's nothing wrong with being able to give your family more. Yeah. Kendra, I think it was Kendra, said it really good on the podcast with Tucker.

She says money will only, something along the lines, not word for word, but like money will only bring out more of what you already are. So if you're already kind of a not pleasant person to be around, money will probably bring that out more in you. But if you're a good person and you love your family, that will be able to come out in you more as well. I love that, yeah.

And I think I love that McCreight about just give it your whole heart because when you When you Go about your daily stuff with that thought on your mind I'm sure your stress level is probably been down. You know I'm just thinking how it would be You know and in my own way kind of a you know the same type of when you intentionally sink

those good happy positive things. Give this your whole heart. It's going to feel good and positive and minimize all those other yucky things because when you're happy you're on a whole different vibration than those yucky feelings and they can't, they don't live together. So I love that. Thanks Vickery. Yeah. One thing...

supposed to tell you one thing that like I could I could say to leave you all alone yeah oh yeah okay so we didn't really talk about this at all but for some reason I'm feeling like I should say it um especially in motherhood I think when you have a goal that you're chasing delayed gratification is so important yes but also

allow yourself to find the good things in the short term, like along the way. like delayed gratification doesn't have to mean you're going to be miserable for five years until you finally make it big. right. but you can have that delayed gratification while also finding wins in your day to day, or creating wins, i like to say. like sometimes, you know, you get to the end of the day.

maybe it's hard for you to quote unquote find wins. But as you're going throughout your day, if you can somehow create wins, create something that makes you happy, then it makes that delayed gratification process a lot easier and more doable, I feel like, especially when you're chasing towards a dream or goal or whatever it is. I know we didn't really talk about that very much, but not at all, but. That kind of sparked one more thing. Okay, no, no. We're not on a tight limit here. The one more thing.

People can push pause and hit a mark. Yes. Part one, part two. But that brings to mind We all have Playing footsie right here. Sorry, McCrae. That's okay. We all have the same amount of time in the day. And using our time to intentionally stay on a higher vibration

your happy place, whatever, makes your time more meaningful. The more we let ourselves be drawn into the yucky head space, that's just a waste of our time. So whether that looks like, I mean, this still applies to being a mom, how you spend your time. Are you gonna spend your whole day on your phone, or are you gonna spend intentional time with your kids?

Taking the intentional time and making your time worth something. Whether it's giving you monetary value or not. Making your time worth something. Which is the memories, the experiences, the feelings, all of those things. I love that. I love that. Amen. Hallelujah. Amen and Hallelujah. Oh man, you guys this has been awesome. Do we have any last minutes?

thoughts? Closing her marks. Yeah did you want to touch on your delayed gratification more or was that good? No, I mean I think that's good. Okay yeah cool I think that would be a really good another episode. Yes. Also. Do. Okay awesome. I feel like I was just playing ping-pong with my man. If you're not watching the video like the tiger to Amy to tiger to Amy. Man seriously you guys if you're not friends with us you should be. Welcome.

So here you are. You're now friends with us. Find us on our respective... What are they called? Social medias. Our platforms. Our platforms. That's the word I was going for. Oh, and you guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. And choosing to spend your time here. I hope that this has been slightly entertaining. And I hope you've been able to find some good little nuggets throughout here. These guys, like I said, they are

just awesome killing it in their businesses and their personal lives and families. So thank you guys for being here. It was fun. It was fun to kind of be together. Yes. Giving us a break for a minute. Yeah. Well, you're welcome. Oh man. We might just have to podcast more often. We should. If you missed her air quotes, the podcast is awesome. Oh, I love it.

So you guys, thanks so much and just a quick reminder if you have any suggestions or want to hijack the podcast to showcase your business or your personal life, just have a fun time, whatever it is you want to do, please email me at tmranstramblitt at gmail. And of course I'm always open to suggestions. If you want to hear from somebody specific, let me know

if you have somebody that you're like, oh my gosh, this would be great to hear from. We'd love to chat with them. Or if you want to be on the podcast yourself. If you enjoyed the episode at all, we appreciate the likes and shares and reviews. appreciate you hanging out with us. So with that, have a good one and don't you dare cut your dallys on your dream.